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Intimacy In Marriage

When Your Marriage Feels Stuck | Dan Lian | XO Marriage Conference — Key Takeaways

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When Your Marriage Feels Stuck | Dan Lian | XO Marriage Conference

XO Marriage23mAug 5, 2026

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God promises "more" for your marriage, and Philippians 3:13 gives three concrete steps to claim it: forget the past daily, strain toward what's ahead with effort, and press on together without letting go.

Key takeaways

Philippians 3:13-14 is the biblical anchor for pursuing 'more' in marriage

Philippians 3:13-14 is the biblical anchor for pursuing 'more' in marriage

  • Paul writes: 'forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on to take hold of the prize' (Phil. 3:13-14).
  • The speaker applies this directly to marriage: forget past wounds, strain with effort, press on together without releasing your spouse's hand.

Annual 3-day marriage 'business meeting' — gratitude, personal conviction, then forward plan

Annual 3-day marriage 'business meeting' — gratitude, personal conviction, then forward plan

  • Day 1: celebrate what God did in the past year. Day 2: each spouse examines what the Holy Spirit is challenging them personally (not the other). Day 3: plan how to press on toward more.
  • The speaker credits this practice with 24 consecutive years of each year being better than the last.

'Forget' in Philippians 3:13 is present tense — a daily choice, not a one-time memory wipe

'Forget' in Philippians 3:13 is present tense — a daily choice, not a one-time memory wipe

  • The Greek present tense means forgetting is an ongoing, repeated decision — not a single moment of erasure.
  • Practically: forgetting past hurts means daily choosing to center on who God says your spouse is, not on the blooper reel.

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In this video

  1. 1mThe Promise of More for Your Marriage
  2. 4mPhilippians 3 — The Framework for Taking Hold of More
  3. 6mStep 1 — Forget What Is Behind
  4. 10mStep 2 — Strain Toward What Is Ahead Through Effort
  5. 16mStep 3 — Press On Together Despite Discouraging Voices
  6. 20m24 Years of Marriage and the Annual Business Meeting

The universal love language is effort.

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